


Saying Goodbye

by RPGwrites



Series: Bad Things Happening Card [2]
Category: Mass Effect - All Media Types, Mass Effect Trilogy, Mass Effect: Andromeda
Genre: Angst, Explosion, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Shrapnel injury, Whump
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-31
Updated: 2020-08-31
Packaged: 2021-03-06 21:34:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,224
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26215729
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RPGwrites/pseuds/RPGwrites
Summary: Saying goodbye is never easy. Especially if you have no choice. Everyone is moving on with their lives, even the Ryders. Shepard finds it hard to say goodbye to the most important people in her life especially because she wasn't honest with them.
Relationships: Female Ryder & Female Shepard (Mass Effect)
Series: Bad Things Happening Card [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1831141
Comments: 4
Kudos: 2





	Saying Goodbye

**Author's Note:**

> This is part of the Bad Things Happening prompts. Prompted by [ natsora ](https://archiveofourown.org/users/natsora/pseuds/natsora). Prompt: Don't you dare pity me!
> 
> A big shoutout to [ FerusAurelius ](https://archiveofourown.org/users/FerusAurelius) for betaing. I appreciate all your help!!

“You have an incoming call on your terminal, Commander,” Chambers reported.

Shepard wasn’t planning on checking extranet messages right now. Her plan was to see how the crew was doing, but she shrugged and checked her terminal. 

When she saw the name in the sender line her eyebrows shot up. She could scarcely believe it. 

_ How did he find me? _   


“I’ll take this in my quarters,” Shepard said to Chambers, who nodded in response. 

Shepard got to thinking how Alec Ryder even knew she was alive while the elevator whirred toward her cabin. 

Since she’d woken up from her two-year nap, she’d been trying to keep tabs on the Ryders. Scott and Sara felt like her own twin siblings. 

She took a seat at her chair and waited for Alec to pick up.

“Shepard.” 

It didn’t seem like the two years had a large impact on him, but she knew that wasn’t true. He’d just recently lost his wife. That made her think of Scott and Sara. Seeing them grow into the people they were today. 

She wished she could be there for them right now, but the galaxy called. The Collectors needed to be stopped no matter the cost. 

“No need for formalities, Alec,” Shepard said immediately. “We’re family.”

That was when she got a smile from him. “Looks like you’re doing well.”

“As well as I can under the circumstances.” She narrowed her eyes as if she could read his mind. She suspected if he knew how to contact her that he knew about the rest. 

“So I’ve heard,” he said, confirming her suspicions. “Working with Cerberus wouldn’t be my first choice.”

She thought she might’ve heard the disappointment in his voice, but she wasn’t sure. A feeling crept in. A feeling of guilt. 

_ I’m doing this for the greater good. _

It was something she had to remind herself constantly. Some days it got frustrating, so she shoved that feeling aside and put her focus back on the conversation. 

“You know I wouldn’t do this if there was another way.” Shepard owed a lot to the Ryders. Without them she wouldn’t be where she was now in her life. 

“I know,” Alec confirmed. 

“I’m sorry about Ellen… I wish I was there…”

The look that Alec Ryder gave her stopped her in her tracks. He seemed uncomfortable. Why? Was it because her death was so hard? It was impossible to tell. 

"I understand."

His reaction made her frown. Something was off but she couldn't put her finger on it. Instead she decided to put her energy on the twins. "How are Scott and Sara taking it?"

"Well, they lost their mother. They need time."

Shepard nodded in understanding, but he wasn't finished yet. 

"Look Katherine, I know you haven't talked to the twins recently—" 

His words brought a frown to her features yet again.  _ Is he spying on me?  _

"—but you should talk to them. Before it isn't an option any longer." 

"Okay Alec," Shepard rubbed her temple to try and make some of this clear. "Just tell me what's going on."

Alec sighed as if releasing the galaxy's best kept secret. "Ellen is alive."

Surely she must've heard that wrong. Because that was impossible. "I'm sorry, but did you just say Ellen is  _ alive _ ?" 

Alec took a deep breath. Shepard had never known him to hesitate to say something, but it seemed here he needed to gather his courage. “Yes.”

Shepard blinked. She almost gaped at him, not believing what he had told her. “How is that possible?”

“After the twins said goodbye to Ellen, I placed her in cryo.”

Shepard lifted her eyebrows in surprise. This wasn’t the same man that she had admired all of these years. What the hell had happened?

_ How could he think it’s okay to do something like that? _

“Do they know? Does Ellen?” Shepard suspected she already knew the answer. 

Shepard had never before seen him looking so ashamed. She realized this was eating him alive. “No,” he admitted. 

Shepard decided to put her foot down. “Alec, I think you know this isn’t right.”

“Don’t you think I know it?” he protested. “Scott and Sara are hurting and I can put a stop to it.”

Shepard didn’t see the problem. “Then tell them.” It was as easy as that. 

“If I do, they’ll stop me.”

And that’s why he’d told her. Because he knew she wouldn’t say anything. She respected him too much. Besides, Shepard never shared secrets that weren’t hers. She wasn’t going to start now. 

“And you knew I wouldn’t tell them.”

“Katherine,” he sighed. “It’s not like that.” 

But she didn’t believe him. 

“You’re not going to Andromeda. Your fight is here. I want you to say goodbye to the twins. You're a Ryder, too.”

This time she sighed. What he said was true, but Sara and Scott weren’t the only ones she wanted to say goodbye to. “I want to see Ellen.”

“I know.” Alec knew her too well. “You can see her on the Citadel. I’ll arrange for her to be there.”

Shepard nodded her thanks. There was nothing else she could say at this point. 

“It will be good if you can meet me.”

* * *

After Shepard talked to Anderson, she decided to go to her meeting with Alec. Her omni-tool pinged as if on cue, signaling that she had a message. 

She frowned when she opened it.

_ Was that the old apartment address? Why would he want to meet me there? _

As far as Shepard knew, Alec had sold it. His plan had been to keep the apartment so he and Ellen could move back there once she was cured, but that wasn’t exactly how things worked out for them. He’d finally been forced to sell the place because he needed more and more credits to build his very illegal AI.

That was another secret of his she’d kept.

She was very loud in her concerns about building an AI, and even louder when the AI started to influence Sara and Scott’s careers. But in the end there wasn’t anything she could do. 

Alec Ryder had tried everything in his power to save the love of his life. She’d hoped he would succeed. 

But… what he’d done was unacceptable. Sara and Scott should know. Hell, Ellen Ryder had to have a say. Maybe she could convince him to tell his children, at least. 

Shepard shook her head as if mentally shaking off her memories. She began to walk in the direction of her destination. 

* * *

“Alec?” Shepard said as she came near to the apartment door. There was a man scrolling on his omni-tool, and if she wasn’t mistaken it was him. 

“Katherine.” He deactivated his omni-tool. “Glad to see you’re here.” 

Shepard looked at the door in front of them. So many happy moments filled with laughter were spent here. Her relationship with Scott and Sara started here, and today she considered the twins as her own brother and sister. Sara had come to Shepard many times asking for big-sisterly advice. 

She sighed.  _ I failed them.  _

“It’s been such a long time since we’ve been here.” 

Alec’s words brought her out of her thoughts. The Ryders moved to Earth because one of the best doctors in the galaxy was there. Ellen had been through more doctors with her AEND then Shepard could count. 

“Yeah,” she agreed. “So much has happened.”

He smiled thoughtfully. “I wanted to see the place one last time. It has been such a great influence in all of our lives.”

Shepard nodded. “Thanks for inviting me. Do you have access to the apartment?”

“No,” he said sadly. 

For the first time, she truly saw the stress and sadness in his eyes. He had sacrificed so much for AEND. The whole Ryder family had. 

“We should get going,” he sighed.

Alec and Shepard went to a restaurant. Both of them ordered some much-needed coffee. He looked as if he needed it even more than she did. 

Shepard hadn’t been sleeping well since she’d woken up from her 2-year-long nap. She had been devouring mug after mug of coffee, instead. 

“Do you have business on the Citadel?” Alec asked. 

She knew he asked with a reason. 

“Yes,” she confirmed.

“Good. The twins can meet you here tomorrow. I’ll send you the details.”

Shepard inhaled deeply. Sara and Scott would be pissed. They believed she was dead. But she had her reasons.

“Did you tell them?”

“No.” He knew what she referred to. There was no need to clarify. “They believe I’m meeting them. Discussing some Andromeda-related business.”

“How did you convince them to join?” Curiosity got the better of her as she took a sip from her coffee. 

“It took some maneuvering,” he admitted, “but Sara wanted to forget about what happened with Morris.” 

Shepard nodded as she remembered. Dealing with him took a lot out of her. 

“Scott didn’t want to go at first.”

“Oh?” she said as she took another sip. “I thought he’d want to go.”

“Both of them are still angry. Sara will hate me when she finds out about Ellen.”

Shepard nodded in understanding. Sara looked up to him. She admired him and she thought he was a good man. To her, this would be the ultimate betrayal. 

“It’s better to tell them now,” she suggested, but she knew in her heart it would be in vain. 

“I can’t. Please respect that,” Alec said.

She gulped. His words made her feel guilty somehow. Shepard knew she could convince many people, but Alec wasn’t one of them. “Alright. Where is Ellen?”

* * *

Shepard went to see Ellen and her pod. It was a lot harder than she expected. The woman caught in the frosted panels wasn’t the woman she remembered. 

_ This is wrong!  _ Her insides screamed. And she knew they were right.

But if she told Sara and Scott she’d destroy the Ryder family. And her heart couldn’t accept that, either. 

Shepard always felt weird talking to a sleeping person, but here she was telling Ellen about how she felt. Thanking her for being there for her when the nightmares plagued her sleep. Bringing her hot chocolate and caring for her when everyone she knew had died. 

For the first time in years, Shepard poured out her heart. 

She told her how the SR1 got destroyed. How Cerberus rebuilt her and about her fight with the Collectors. How she couldn’t trust the people she worked with and how uneasy she felt about the whole situation. 

Then she talked about the time she lived with the Ryder family. How she appreciated everything they’d done for her. 

But when she began talking about the conversation she had with Ellen’s husband it became harder. “I can’t believe he did this,” she said out loud. “I know he told me because I’m staying, but part of me believes he did it because he knew I wouldn’t say anything.”

At that moment she wished Ellen Ryder wasn’t in stasis. If she wasn’t, Katherine knew she’d have some advice on this whole situation. 

“And I can’t tell them. It’s not my place. And even if it was, this will drive a wedge between him and the twins. I can’t destroy relationships between family.” She sighed, weighing the possibilities in her head. “He should’ve talked to you.”

If Shepard told Scott and Sara it would be a betrayal to Alec. She wanted to. This wasn’t fair to them, but in her heart she couldn’t. 

She might’ve been a part of this family once, but deep down she knew she wasn’t really a Ryder. 

Shepard had heard about the Andromeda Initiative, but she’d never given much attention to it. Now that Scott and Sara were going she intended to look more into it. 

She hoped it wasn’t a mistake for them to go. 

* * *

That night she couldn’t sleep. She kept wondering how Scott and Sara would react. After a few hours, she gave in to the insomnia and started with her day.

She would see them at 12:00. Plenty of time to deal with other Citadel business. 

“Commander,” EDI spoke in her ear. ”Officer Lawson is requesting to speak with you.”

Shepard sighed as she kept her eye on the people in the crowd, skimming over them as she looked for Sara and Scott.

“Tell her I’ll come and see her later.”

It wasn’t long until she recognized the walk and then the face of Sara Ryder. She was always clever and observant. That’s why she wasn’t surprised when Sara met her eyes. 

Her feet froze along with the rest of her. Sara’s jaw was on the ground and with it, all colour on her face disappeared. Suddenly she looked around as if realizing other people were in the restaurant, too. 

Scott just looked surprised, but his reaction was nowhere close to Sara’s. He touched his sister’s shoulder, gesturing for her to move forward. 

“Katherine-freaking-Shepard.” That was the first thing that came out of Sara’s mouth. “You’re alive? All this time you’ve been alive?”

Shepard smiled. It was the only thing she could do. “It’s nice to see you, Sara and Scott.”

Her words only ignited the anger in Sara further. “It’s good to see me?” she demanded. “That’s it? What the hell, Katherine?”

“I’ll explain, Sara. Just take a seat.”

Scott nodded in agreement and took a seat. After a second or two, Sara joined him.

“I don’t know if I should be happy or pissed that you’re alive,” Sara admitted angrily. “How is this even possible?”

Shepard sighed. Sara’s anger wasn’t unexpected but somehow still stung. “Cerberus rebuilt me,” she started, reciting the tale she’d told hundreds of times in the last few weeks. “I was asleep for two years.”

Sara only stared. But this was when Scott spoke for the first time. “Cerberus?” he questioned. “The terrorist organization that did who knows how many awful things?”

“Yes.” Shepard felt ashamed admitting that. “I have my reasons. We need to stop an enemy and they’re the only ones who are willing.”

Sara scoffed, “I can’t believe this!” She stood up. 

“Sara—” Scott tried. 

“You could have told us sooner. And you didn’t?” Sara demanded. 

“I’m sorry, Sara,” Katherine offered.

Sara didn’t accept this as a good enough answer and stormed off. Scott was hot on her heels, but Shepard only kept staring after them. 

* * *

Sara was walking. She didn’t know where she was going, but she needed room to think. She felt like she was going to explode. 

The one person who had always been there for her didn’t try and contact her? She felt like she couldn’t breathe. How was it possible? Why couldn’t she at least send a message? 

_ I guess Dad was never going to meet us.  _

Sara felt stupid for falling into that trap. She should’ve known better. 

Shepard’s death was hard for her. It felt like a part of her was missing. She missed the late calls at nights when she needed someone. Heck, she missed her big sister. 

She had wished desperately for Katherine to be alive. Sara would’ve done anything for that to be possible.

Now it was true, but she couldn’t be happy because this was all a lie. It hurt more than she could say. She could’ve used someone being there for her when her mother died. 

Mom had passed months ago, but Shepard’s death was still raw at the time. One after one she felt like she was losing her family. But then Andromeda came and she decided that, without a doubt, she needed to join. 

Sara needed a fresh start. 

She ended up sitting on a bench in a group of shops selling weapons and armor. It didn’t take Scott long to find her, however. 

“What are you doing?” 

She didn’t need to look up to know it was him. Sara rolled her eyes in her retort, “Stop playing crappy games, Scott.”

“Alright,” he sighed. “So she’s alive.”

“Yup. All this time.” Then she looked at him and she realized he wasn’t mad. Sara had to ask herself why. “How are you so cool with all of this?”

“I’m not,” he shrugged.

“Really?” She quirked an eyebrow in response. “Is that how your being mad looks?”

“I just think we should give her a chance to explain.”

He was right. She knew it. But deep in her heart, she couldn’t. Sara needed time. Or at least the illusion of time. 

“I know,” she sighed. “Just give me some time.”

“Alright,” he said and left.

* * *

Sara didn’t stay long at her spot until her feet took her wandering again. She went from shop to shop and tried her best to take her mind off things. 

When that didn’t work, she decided to go to the loading docks. It brought a sense of peace to her. 

“Hey, Sara.” She almost jumped at the touch on her shoulder.

Instead of saying something she knew she would regret she sighed. “How did you find me?”

Katherine gave a soft smile. “I wasn’t sure I would. Look,” she paused trying to be careful with her words. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you. I couldn’t. Hell, I don’t know who I can trust anymore.”

Sara took Katherine’s hand. “We could have figured things out.”

But Katherine shook her head. “I can’t.”

Sara stared at her for what felt like forever and then the thought clicked. “It has something to do with the Reapers, doesn’t it?”

“Yes,” she admitted. 

Sara studied her. She needed to be sure there were no more lies. 

“Dammit!” She shut her eyes. She desperately wished that wasn’t the case. That she could go back to the apartment on the Citadel and that Mom was still alive. But she knew that was not reality. 

“Look. I’m sorry I wasn't there. When your mom died… I—”

That’s when the anger returned with a vengeance. It brought everything back. “Don’t you dare pity me! You don’t get to get back here and apologize and think everything will be okay. Who the hell do you think you are!”

“Sara—”

But Sara never heard the rest. She just saw darkness.

* * *

Everything hurt when Shepard came to again. People were screaming, but the whine in her ears made everything seem far off. Almost like it was a nightmare. 

She opened her eyes to find everything blurry around her. Figures were moving and others were still. At first, she wasn’t sure where she was until her mind clicked and she realized they were near a shop. 

_ It must’ve been an explosion? But why? _

Her first instinct was to check on other people. Check if Sara was okay. She wished she had her armor and regretted that she couldn’t scan herself for injuries. 

Limb by limb she checked if everything was okay and luckily could still move around. Her ribs protested. If she had to guess, she’d probably broken one or two. The blast must’ve thrown her body. 

Then she started looking. 

But wherever Sara was, Katherine couldn’t find her nearby. Slowly she stood up, walking from person to person until she stopped at a brunette she knew.

Shepard’s heart was filled with worry. She scanned Sara and was relieved when she saw the injuries weren’t life-threatening, or at least didn’t seem to be. 

Sara had a couple of broken ribs and a piece of shrapnel embedded in her thigh, perhaps a concussion as well. 

“Sara,” she whispered lightly, trying to wake her up. Katherine brushed the hairs from her eyes. Dirt was all over her face. Other than that, it looked like she was simply sleeping. 

But the feeling in her gut said something else. “I need you to wake up.”

Shepard had to keep trying, but just as she’d begun to get seriously worried, Sara finally stirred. 

Sara let out a groan of pain. Her eyes were weary and unfocused, but it didn’t take her long to widen them in alarm. “What happened?” Her voice was hoarse. 

“I don’t know,” Shepard admitted. In the background, people were still screaming, but emergency services had already begun helping where they could. “I suspect an explosion of some kind.”

Sara winced and tried to get up, but Shepard grabbed her shoulder. “Don’t move. You have shrapnel in your thigh.”

“Oh,” Sara said as she tried to check it out. She seemed disoriented. 

“I’ll call my ship doctor, see if she can help us.”

****

Shepard asked for Chakwas to come and she helped where she could. The doctor offered to let them take Sara, but she wasn’t sure if she could. 

“Why not?” Chakwas asked while they spoke privately.

“It’s a Cerberus vessel, doc. I don’t know if I can trust them,” Katherine admitted. She cared about Sara too much to put her life at risk like that. 

Chakwas nodded as she understood. Her eyes focussed on something behind her. If Shepard had to guess, she’d say it was Sara. 

“Do you trust me?” She asked.

Shepard stared at her for a long time. And then she nodded, “Yes, I do.”

“Then let’s take her to the Normandy.”

After Sara was stabilized on the Normandy, Shepard sat by her sleeping form while Chakwas helped where she could with the other patients. 

Sara would need surgery, but luckily Chakwas could do it and she wouldn’t need to stay on the Citadel for that. She called Alec and Scott and told them what had happened. Her brother would join them on the Normandy. 

Alec had already left the Citadel. He said he had business; a few arrangements he needed to take care of before leaving the Milky Way. 

Sara and Scott would spend time on the Normandy, and after Sara’s surgery Katherine planned to take them to a remote planet where they had their own business to take care of. 

Shepard couldn’t believe her goodbyes to the people most important in her life had gone so badly. 

* * *

Shepard waited outside for news of Sara’s surgery. It felt like the procedure dragged on for hours.

“Still busy in there, huh?” Scott sat beside her. 

“Yeah,” Shepard confirmed. “Look, Scott. I’m sorry about everything.”

“Don’t apologize.” He squeezed her hand. “I’m not happy about it, but you wouldn’t have done this without a good reason.”

Shepard was surprised by his reaction. She thought he’d be mad as well, but that wasn’t the case. “I understand why Sara is mad.”

“I don’t think you do,” Scott admitted carefully. “She didn’t take your death well at all. And then Mom died…”

Shepard sighed loudly at his words. She was engulfed with guilt. She knew that Ellen being alive in cryo could change everything, but it wasn’t a secret she could share. 

“I should’ve been there,” she said instead. “I’m sorry I wasn’t.”

Scott smiled. “You would’ve if you could have.”

* * *

Sara’s surgery went thankfully well. Shepard was very grateful for that. 

An hour before their departure, Shepard made sure to tell Scott to get some sleep. He looked worn out and worried about his sister. She was worried as well, of course, but it was more or less guaranteed that Shepard wouldn’t sleep well. 

C-Sec was beginning an investigation into why there was an explosion. Miranda looked to see if she could find anything out, but thus far there were no leads. 

Of course, Cerberus knew everything about her so she couldn’t hide the fact that Sara and Scott were her family. 

_ I just hope I don’t regret this.  _

A groan pulled her away from her thoughts. Immediately Shepard moved into action. “Sara?”

“What—” Sara was confused. Her eyes were wide as she tried to figure what was going on. 

“It’s okay. Go back to sleep,” Katherine said reassuringly.

* * *

The first time Sara woke up she was in a lot of pain. Her leg was on fire and her ribs protested, too. She wanted to stay awake and tell Shepard how mad she was, but her eyes wouldn’t cooperate. So she went back to sleep. 

The second time the pain was still there. Now it was a dull ache, probably thanks to the pain meds. Katherine was sitting on a chair next to her bed. She was awake, but not really paying attention.

“Hey.” Sara made her conscious presence known. 

“Hey.” Katherine stood up. “How are you feeling?”

“It hurts,” she said honestly. “But I’m okay.”

Katherine nodded. “Chakwas will be here telling you what she had to do to remove the shrapnel, but it’s out.”

Sara smiled in thanks. She didn’t know why, but her anger had disappeared. Maybe she saw that Katherine really did care. Or maybe it was that she finally stood by her side. “I’m going to Andromeda,” she started, but she had a feeling Katherine already knew.

“Your dad told me.” Shepard wore a sad smile and they both knew what that meant. 

“I wish you could come with us,” Sara told her heart’s desire, but she knew her adopted sister’s mission was too important. 

“Me too,” Katherine admitted. “I’m sorry Sara I…”

“I know.” Sara took her hand and squeezed it. “Let’s just stay in contact while I’m still here.”

Katherine smiled. “That’s worth the risk.”

And they both knew she was talking about Cerberus. 

Sara started to share her hopes and fears for the long trip to Andromeda. 

**Author's Note:**

> Feel free to come and say hi on [ Tumblr ](https://rpgwarrior4824.tumblr.com/).


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